
“Dad, I keep falling. I don't know why I think I could actually figure out this landing. If i haven't gotten it by now why would I think that anything is gonna change”
Those were the words of a very dumb and naive kid (Aka me 2 days ago).
Just about 5 minutes prior to this conversation, during my first run at competition in Aspen, I fell coming out of the top air. The day prior I had fallen on every practice coming out of the top jump, I was 0-8 trying to land my top air.
My confidence was down the tube and for a split second I truly believed that there was not a chance for me that day in landing the jump and I only had one more chance.
How stupid of me. After years of training I had tricked myself into thinking that I was not good enough. At that moment I went into panic mode. I decided that I needed to do something drastic. So, I decided I was going to switch to a completely different line which I had never skied before. I asked Freddy my coach what he thought.
My coach replied with; “Well that line is easier so if you want to switch to the easy line go for it.” His response stuck in the back of my mind for the rest of the day.
Frustrated and anxious about my last run, and n an effort to clear my head I rode up the lift with my dad. As soon as I felt my ski pants hit the lift I immediately started having some pity party in my head. “I'm not good enough” “I suck” “I just want to go home."
My dad sat there, staring at me patiently waiting for this episode to conclude. When I finally settled down my dad calmly asked; “What do you do when you have a problem?”
I answered back with; “Well you find a solution.”
"Exactly Ava you just need to find a solution.” My dad replied,
I continued to rant with more degrading statements directed towards myself.
He once again waited for me to finish, looked at me and started going over what I could fix. It was that moment when I began to on how to fix my problem rather than dwelling on it. Now don’t get me wrong I was still visibly disappointed but my mindset was starting to alter.
My dad and I took two drill focused runs on the groomers, the focuses here were to A) clear my head, and B) do drills to practice exiting the top jump. Once we concluded with the drills I felt a little bit of my confidence come back, and it was chipping away at that grey cloud of self doubt hanging over my head. This particular day was freezing so we went inside to warm up. I sat down at the table with my friends, my friends always know how to cheer me up. Within 5 minutes I had forgotten I was competing that day until I realized that it was almost time for my last run.

While I was putting my gear on my thoughts swarmed with worst case scenarios. All I could focus on was not falling. For anyone who has ever competed before you know that thinking about failure right before your event is the worst possible thing you can do. Right as I was about to walk out the door my mom approached me with her arms wide, she then gave me a long and needed hug.
Right as I was about to pull away she softly whispers in my ear; “Ava, go show them who Ava Keenan is!”
In that moment the cloud of self doubt hanging above my head faded away and I remembered who I was, what I was there to do, and how I was going to do it.
Despite my earlier failures, that lift ride up I felt the best I had all day. I was grinning ear to ear, my music was blasting, and the day felt warmer. As I approached the top of the course I was met with the intimidating appearance of the top air. The one that had been beating me the last two days. I chose to ignore it, as I know if I stared too long it would have me wrapped in its trance of doubt.
During my warmup I told my coach that I was switching lines. He wasn't too keen on the idea but he let me make my own decisions.
After a few minutes he approached me saying “Ava, if you are gonna switch lines be certain with your decisions and own them.”
In the moment my intuition took over, practically screaming at me not to move lines. But my brain was telling me to switch lines. I was udderly torn. After many moments of going back and forth I made up my mind “Final decision I am switching lines”
By the time I had snapped back to reality it was time for me to clip into my skis. Due falling in my previous run I was in last place. Which meant going dead last in the run order. As I approached the gate, my heart was pounding. As I focused my eyes on the top air, I had a vision of me failing.
I then looked at my coach and without hesitation I exclaimed; “Chris I am switching back!"
He replied with a sigh. I then shuffled my skis back over to my original line and I felt a wave of certainty engulf me. Right then I knew I made the right decision. I smiled and looked at the course. There was a peaceful silence. The only sounds being my breath. I sat in this silence until over the radio I heard “Judges ready” . At that moment I thought back to my moms words “Go show them who Ava Keenan is.”
Alright this is it. “Ava Keenan bib number 64, racer ready 3…2…1… GO!
I crossed the finish line with the biggest smile on my face, not just because I laced a run which scored a 80.5 putting me in second place, but because I trusted myself, I didn’t let the past define the future, and most importantly I showed not only the judges and other people there, but I also showed myself who Ava Keenan is.
The biggest lesson I learned here is that I am not going to let negative thoughts, feeling, and experiences of the past
affect me so much in the future. I also learned that it's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react.
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